Stop This Train! I Want Off!

How can life be so great and so terrible at the same time.

Today I see life as it is at this moment and that this moment will never return. How sad to think about.

I know what happens. My children are with me for a little while. Little by little the innocent giggles of childhood turn into complex confused emotional cries of teenagers. It will be hard to sit by and watch as my teenage children start to make the early decisions that will help shape the rest of their lives. Oh! What did I get myself into? This parenting thing!

A Poem I Found

When Vaun got off his mission he brought with him a binder full of inspirational stories, poems and quotes. Here is one that I like:

I Can't Do Everything

I can't do everything
I know because I've tried.
Tried to tell myself I could,
and then found out I lied.

I believed with all my heart
that I should do it all.
But I can't do everything.
And when I try I fall.

I can't please everyone.
I know because I've tried.
I needed the love so much.
Sometimes I've compromised.

But the more I live and learn.
The more I clearly see.
That I can't please anyone
until I'm pleased with me.

So here I am asking with all my heart
for the feeling I have been dreaming of.
Just fill the empty feeling that keeps us apart
and help me find myself in Your love.

Because I can't do anything
without some help from above.
And I can't please anyone
until I know I'm loved.

And I believe I'm loved

-Shannon Denton

Thankfully I have lived enough to learn most of these lessons myself. Except I keep forgetting from time to time that I can't do life by myself, and I don't like the reminders that come to remind me.

Where Did the "Me" Go?

I can see it happening to me. Gone are the days of "never ending" youth. I watch as my body obeys the laws of nature. To accept it is wise. So, that is my trade off; youth for wisdom.

I find myself wanting the youthful look of my twenties. I even feel sad that I will never recapture that. Now, I am in my mid-thirties. When I am forty-five what will I want to take back from my thirties?

Trying to hold on to youth is like trying to stop the seasons from turning into another.

Going someplace else in my mind today...

On days like today my memories are treasures; gifts really. They may not always be in the front of my thoughts, but they are there waiting to be recalled. I guess you could survive just about any hardship with a large stash of happy memories.

Life can be bitter...but life was sweet today!

Really wish that I had a recorder at church today. Allison will be turning twelve this week. She is excited but apprehensive at the same time. She said that she will no longer be the oldest in Primary, but the youngest in Young Womens. Welcome to your new life Allison....:)  She bore a sweet testimony today also. She said she was looking forward to drawing closer to the Lord. And that this new step in her life would help her do that. I am happy and proud of the young lady she is becoming.

Parenting: My Take on Things Thus Far

My journey into parenthood began with the birth of my daughter almost 12 years ago. Was I ready? No. Did I have the means and ability? Yes.

Those early years were some very important and precious years. "Milk Years"; yes, that is what I will call them and not just for the obvious reason. As a parent, I can see, I have grown through increments of time and stages of life. One sweet or painful experience at a time. But these beginning experiences were only the "milk" that would "nourish" me; prepare me for the next set of stages. As newborns can only consume the gentle life giving nutrients of milk. For reasons I do not fully understand, so too, parents can only start with the mostly simple mundane tasks of caring for an infant and toddler.  At this stage we do not yet know what the "Meat" of parenthood will be like. So for those first years we consume  only the mildness of the "Milk".

Allison is our first born. She is the sibling "guinea pig".  We experience every new change that goes on with a child through her first. I wonder sometimes what that might feel like for her. She is now entering a new stage. Middle school + turning 12 yrs. old, as I recall, is a very big jump to make within the years of adolesence. She might in her mind wish for the more simpler days of kindergarten field trips and recess after lunch. When I see the changes and difficulties she is starting to face I can recall a little of my own feelings that I had at that stage in my life. Though now as a parent, I feel I am no longer drinking the "Milk", but am now tasting the tougher consistentsy of the "Meat". Now that I have entered what I now call "Real Parenting" I now find myself, at times, summoning up the memories I have of swimming in the creek, picking blackberries, running through the woods experiencing the first joys and sweetnesses of life. To put it as simply as I can; this new stage of parenting is hard.

The only solace that I am hanging onto now at this stage of parenting is, yes, I have the ability and I remember the words of my Father: Heatherly, no one passes with an 'A'.

Completely Blessed

What more could I ask for? (Climate of Texas aside) This is what I am thankful for tonight........ I am mastering, in due time, the art of making bread. Goodbye store bought bread! Homemade is one-hundred times better. We have a little garden that is actually producing. What a miracle to behold: planting a tiny seed and watching how it grows. I feel like I had very little to do with this whole process. I only made a nice spot for it to grow and the miracle took place. I have moon flowers vining in the backyard, which have the most beautiful smell. We even have a toad that hangs around our house at night to catch the bugs. There is life here in Texas after all!

Our new neighborhood friend.

This is the moon flower. It blooms at night and

has a surprising beautiful smell. It blooms so fast that you can stand there and watch it open up.

My homemade bread. First attempt at white sandwich bread. It tasted great. I think I will keep this recipe.